Heaven Met Earth With A Kiss
by MistressHORRiD
Summary: They slowed down, the awesome force of bringing their dragons into reality repelled the natural laws of gravity. Slowly, ever so slowly, they could see something painstakingly forming beneath them. It was a speck at first, growing exponentially into the incarnate of wholehearted trust and how far they'd come with one another. Bruiseshipping Fanfic. Slight Nya-bashing.
1. Chapter 1

Watching the dawn fade into existence really was a sight to behold. A certain black haired ninja lay eagle spread on the deck of the Bounty, his strong arms securely tucked behind his head. Cole greeted the infant sun like an old friend as it shed the velvet covers of the previous starry night. Deep violets and dusty lavenders with the waning pinpricks of starlight blended seamlessly into the bright oranges and yellows of the morning. Lazy clouds peppered the sky around the red-orange sun, like a fog of sleep clearing before an unfocused eye.

It was in this moment that Cole truly felt at ease. The autumn breeze teased at the dark, silken locks as newborn rays gently caressed his face. He could see a few stray leaves being carried along, as green gave way to the fiery colors of the fall. Autumn was his season after all, and the earth ninja felt closest to his element during this time. The world was once again beginning the three month preparation to return to the chrysalis of winter. He laid there, reveling in the beauty and calm, while Cole allowed himself to just _**be**_.

Morning had always calmed him, giving peace before the full start of his day. All the ninja brothers rose early, but he rose the earliest by far. This was his time. He didn't have to be Cole, leader of the four ninja, aid and protector to the Green Ninja, Master of Earth. He could just be Cole, the guy who liked to watch the sun wake up.

Besides, Cole had needed this sort of peace and calm lately, especially when his thoughts strayed towards a particular member of his team. Jay was his best friend. He was his opposite really, and balanced the earth user's weaknesses with his strengths. Where Cole had trouble putting his feelings into words, Jay could speak his mind. The reverse was true as well, as Cole's natural calm and level headedness was a welcome contrast to Jay's sporadic thought process.

 _ **His**_ _**best**_ _**friend**_. Those three words summed up everything that Jay was to him, and everything that he had almost lost. Nya came between them, and though she never had _**caused**_ the rift herself, her indecisiveness had widened it greatly. To be honest, Cole had never looked at Nya that way until the opportunity had presented itself and he was… well… flattered.

No one had picked him before. He was stoic by nature, and was a man of not too many words. Most women stayed away, intimidated by his presence and it didn't matter if he was attractive if his very personality was so _**off putting**_. So when Nya expressed her feelings, despite being with Jay, Cole had simply been swallowed by the infatuation and didn't _**even**_ think about his friend. Cole didn't even attempt to respect the relationship that Jay and the sole female on the Bounty had had. _**Was I really that**_ _ **shallow**_ _ **? Did I really almost throw away years of friendship for a girl that I had never even liked? She ended up rejecting us both in the end anyway for the way we acted.**_

Truth was, Cole didn't care about Nya, especially after he and Jay finally forgave each other. Though, what did Cole really have to forgive? Jay had been in the right to protect his relationship, he had been in the right when he told Cole to back off. So what did Cole really have to forgive when he had been in the wrong? He had always been in the wrong.

 _ **Aren't I supposed to be the**_ _ **leader**_ _ **?**_ Cole had never felt more _**unworthy**_ of being called a leader than at that moment. Sensei Wu was their mentor, the wise man they came to with the problems that couldn't be solved on their own, and he had appointed Cole to do the same when he could not. A leader was supposed to put others before himself, building them up. He had selfishly pursued Nya, and tore Jay down as a result. Cole knew Jay struggled with his confidence and it was such an issue it had been blocking him from his true potential. In all of his bullheadedness, Cole had all but torn what little confidence Jay did have asunder.

He remembered the egotistical thoughts that he had about Jay during the Tournament of Elements. Though it would've gone unvoiced if Neuro hadn't said anything, Cole still had the audacity to think Jay wouldn't last long in a fight against him. They had both been side by side through their teacher's grueling training sessions and the lightning ninja had kept up with him step for step.

It was terrible that Jay couldn't see he had just as much value as the others. Each of them were different, each of them contributed something to the table, including Jay. _**Especially**_ _**Jay**_ _._

With the exception of Lloyd, in terms of raw power, Jay had the most untapped potential in the group. Fire could be snuffed out, ice could be melted and earth could be corrupted it with rot and erosion. But what could be really be done against the raw strike of a lightning bolt? Absolutely jack shit.

Sure you could ground it with a rod, but the lightning would still strike it and the would-be protector would have to be strong enough to take the monstrous amount of power. If it was too weak, it would explode, scorched from the inside out. Lightning was pure electrical energy, natural danger in its most unadulterated form.

In the midst of a storm, everything was at its mercy. It would distort everything, overwhelming the power supply of the city as it was stronger than it's refined, man made counterpart. God forbid if the lightning hit someone, they were as good as dead. Brain waves relied on electrical impulses and to have those disrupted would undoubtedly cause any number of horrible issues. That's why when struck, people could only twitch and spasm uncontrollably. Their brains could no longer guide their bodily functions. They could do nothing in the face of the awesome might of white hot lightning.

Cole shuddered. Jay was _**dangerous**_ _._ And he didn't even know it.

Well of course he didn't. Jay didn't believe he had anything to offer and Cole had done nothing to deter that thought. He was truly _**despicable**_. He was supposed to be the leader but he had let someone who trusted him suffer. Cole had caused that suffering with his own two hands. He was _**unmerciful**_.

Resolve strengthened by his morning musings lead Cole to the one course of action that he had at his disposal. He would train with his blue clad brother. He would become the leader that he was meant to be and show Jay what he truly had within him. Cole would be the support Jay needed, he would be his confidence, and he would be the best friend he should've been from the beginning.

 _ **Iron sharpens iron. Brother sharpens**_ _ **brother**_ _._

 **XXXXXXXXX**

Jay had been ecstatic when Cole had approached him asking to train. Truth be told, since he no longer had to focus on Nya he had much more free time. That, of course, left him with a craving for something to do. When the earth ninja voiced his request, Jay had reasoned that this would be a perfect way to remedy his boredom. Being his natural, curious self he had asked where this had come from. He knew he should've left well enough alone.

"You don't believe in yourself." That was the blunt reply his leader gave, and he found himself flinching at not only the others straightforwardness, but from the unyielding truth of the statement. He must of looked understandably affronted because Cole quickly rambled on.

"What I meant was, Jay you doubt yourself and your abilities. If we hadn't been fighting before the tournament I would've it noticed sooner. When we found out we had to go against each other in a bout, you asked what you had. Remember that?"

Jay did remember that, hell he felt it every single day. _**What**_ _**do**_ _**I**_ _**have?**_ Why on earth was Cole bringing this up now? He felt bad enough about himself as it stood, but it must have been obvious if someone as oblivious as Cole had seen it. He had always found himself lacking. Zane was smarter than he was, Cole was stronger, and Kai had enough willpower for all of them. Sure Jay could invent, but he wasn't robot smart. He wasn't inhumanly strong, and he had a tough time powering through bleak circumstances. Jay had speed, but all that was good for was how fast he could run away. _**What do I have?**_

"Jay look at me." The blue ninja hadn't realized he had been looking down somberly as Cole had spoken. Hesitantly Jay looked at Cole, taken aback by the amount of sympathy there. Sympathy and… remorse?

"You have so much more than what you think. It's our fault this happened….. _**It's my fault**_ _._ I should've never done that to you. _**I am so sorry**_ _._ So please let me show you how great you are."

Speechless. Jay, the Mouth of Lightning, had been rendered speechless. Did Cole really that much believe in him? Did he really think that he had that much to offer? Obviously Jay didn't think that of himself, but if Cole did… maybe there was something there that he hadn't noticed before. _**Maybe I'm not useless**_ _._

It warmed the lightning ninja's heart to hear what Cole had said, and even though it was already in the past, it felt wonderful to know that Cole was truly sorry. Not even _**Nya**_ had apologized to him.

Really, looking back on it now, he had been completely and utterly blind to her faults. If one computer simulated test could derail Nya from almost two years of a relationship, Jay didn't think that was someone he really wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Nya and Cole had both betrayed him, true, but only Cole had been kind enough to acknowledge his fault in the matter and attempt to make up for it. It was like the betrayal hadn't mattered to Nya at all. Even when she apologized for helping widen the rift between them. There was a certain heir of disconnect between her words and her feelings.

Nya wasn't sorry for what she had done to him.

The heartbreak he endured when Nya had gone behind his back to talk to Cole about some feelings that presented themselves after an unfeeling _**machine**_ told her the earth ninja was her match had crippled him. He had been so devastated by that betrayal, it completely absorbed any hurt that would normally have been caused by her decision. Jay had finally seen her true colors, and he was honestly relieved when she said she didn't want either of them. She had placed most of the blame on them, calling them childish, saying that she couldn't be with immature people like that. The small part she did take blame for almost didn't matter as she absolved herself of _**any**_ guilt.

He found himself justified in his actions. Jay was Nya's boyfriend, he told Cole to back off, he fought for her, and he confronted the betrayer head on. Granted, he should've never attacked Cole, his brother, like an animal, but he took blame for that. Just like he took blame for ruining part of the relationship by pushing her too hard for an answer. But still, this was all their faults, except Nya didn't see it that way.

No, Jay was glad things went down the way they did. He could've done without almost losing Cole, he'd meant it when he said the black clad ninja was the most important to him. If anything, this situation let him know what a waste the last two years had been. He unabashedly felt relief that she was no longer a constant in his life.

It opened his eyes; the one he had loved, the one he had committed to, hadn't even loved him the way he'd loved her. She didn't care that she had torn his heart asunder using his best friend. Nya had torn down the confidence that she'd once built up enough to make him reach his true potential. Nya wasn't even _**here**_ _._ But Cole was.

He finally found his voice.

"I look forward to it you big lug head."

 **XXXXXXXXX**

In addition to the normal training they had with their two sensei, Cole and Jay took to their own form of exercise after all was said and done. Even though there was an ache in their bones, they really had no other time to take part in this special time they shared. Really it hadn't mattered they were sore when they trained, their time together was the most important. Though each had been forgiven by the other, time helped heal the hurt that still lingered.

Both ninja cherished what they were doing and held onto it like it was the last vestige of life. They had both silently vowed to never let anything come between them again. _**Never**_ _**again**_.

Truthfully, the training helped both Jay and Cole. The black ninja had been true to his word and was nothing but encouraging to Jay, even when he couldn't get something quite right. He believed in Jay like no one else had, and that alone helped the lightning user reach new heights.

The first session they had together had made both of them realize how much they needed each other and how much they really understood one another. It also made them realize why they haven't reached their full potential again after the initial time. Neither believed they were good enough and that blocked their true power and accomplishments.

Jay struggled with his self-worth and easily saw how those around him were better than he was. That's why he always acted so damn arrogant, as a way to compensate for this issue and talked constantly just to get people to listen. Cole, on the other hand, doubted his own ability to lead. His had believed he wasn't good enough for his own father, who had admitted brushed him off like a tick, and felt the need to force it down people's throats how good he could be. He felt he had to prove himself, and what had happened with him and Jay proved to Cole he hadn't, and he couldn't.

So in true ninja fashion, they talked. They talked about their lack of confidence and their very real fears. They encouraged each other to overcome the weaknesses they each had.

Jay fondly looked forward to the subsequent training sessions that were to come and was not disappointed. He could hear Cole in the background as he attempted to calm his mind. Focusing on accepting himself for all he was, flaws included, Jay attempted to ascend. Overcoming his own bias was an ordeal, but Cole, bless him, pushed him to keep going forward. He told Jay of the true potential he saw it him. He gave Jay hope. His words wove into Jay's very soul

" _ **You can do it Jay!"**_

 _ **"I believe in you Jay!"**_

 _ **"Don't you dare give up!"**_

 _ **"Please, let me**_ _ **show**_ _**you how great you are."**_

That had been enough for Jay to let go of the self-loathing for just a moment and embrace the enormous amount of raw lightning coursing through him. He could felt a rush of power flowing through his veins, it lifted him off the ground underneath the glow of what he was _**destined**_ to become.

All the while, Cole cheered like a maniac in the fray. Sparks came off of Jay's translucent skin with surges of bolts coming out sporadically over his arms. He could feel himself moving faster than Turner ever would, even though _**he**_ was the Master of Speed. Jay blinked in and out of existence all over the Bounty, faster than the blink of an eye.

Being out of practice meant he could only maintain the state for a minimal amount of time before fading from the extraordinary. But that meant nothing. Cole was still by his side in an instant, arm slung around him, praising him in a nearly vice like grip overcome with triumph for Jay.

"You did it! I knew you could." And that struck Jay, deep in his soul, and finally, _**finally**_ he felt good enough to be on a team with his best friend. Jay gripped Cole hard in a fierce hug.

"There's no way I could've done it without you. You're a great leader." If he hadn't saw it himself, Jay would have never believed that Cole could have ever blushed. The light pink tinging his cheeks spoke otherwise as he stuttered out a thank you. It was a sight to see Cole flustered, and he had done so by simply expressing his gratitude. In was almost _**cute**_ _._ Jay was so happy, he didn't even notice that he had thought of the black clad ninja in such a way.

"Now we just have to help you maintain it. I mean think about it, in that state you have no physical limits and can zap through solid objects. I mean the possibilities are endless..." Lord that boy sure could talk, and he the nerve to call Jay the mouth of the group. It was a little refreshing to see Cole like this, since he was normally so quiet and serious. He was really warm on the inside once you got past the rough exterior, just like the earth itself. From then on they practiced every, single day.

Cole was the earth. Strong, proud, and at times, nurturing. He was huge, sure, something Jay was envious of. Even though Cole was jacked, it was more of in a boxer sort of way and less like some bumbling linebacker. What really stood out, was Cole's heart of gold. Jay couldn't see it when he'd been constantly arguing with the older boy, making him raise golem like defenses and safeguard himself and that golden heart from harm. Now, though, seeing his ninja brother so free did Jay's own heart good.

It was then Jay knew, he was having an effect on Cole too. It would be weird of him to say that the black ninja was a great leader all the time, so plainly and black and white. So Jay's approach was more subtle. He responded to Cole's words of encouragement after that momentous occasion, coming to him for advice on how to learn to control his awakened state. He listened as Cole told him they needed to work on his endurance, both physically and mentally. Jay made suggestions to help his friend plan a course of action, which Cole treated as something valuable to him.

He had helped Cole reach his true potential too. As the days folded into weeks, he returned his leader's kindness. Jay had always thought of Cole as a diamond in the rough and that's honestly what Cole was. He told the black ninja, as honest as could be, calling Cole 'a diamond with a heart of gold.' Cole finally realized he could move past his failure with Jay when the blue clad ninja uttered those words. He was truly forgiven for his foley by his best friend. Now Cole could focus on his successes and hold onto the fact he _**was**_ good enough to lead.

With that, he was engulfed in a familiar light, hovering in the air with the essence of his element swirling around him. Jay knew Cole was strong, any idiot could see that, but he witnessed firsthand how strong the earth user could become. When he reawakened, the blue ninja saw the ground quake at Cole's feet. Tremors emanated from each step, the ground giving way, rock and dust forming a type of shield around him. What Jay saw next could only be surmised as a miracle.

Where Cole stepped he left a simmering substance in his wake. Cole was so strong he could crush the rocks beneath him into a diamond laced dust in his footsteps. Jay could see it then, he could see just how much Cole could accomplish. It gave Jay pride to know it was because of him the other reached so far. They pushed each other to greater heights and this joy was something Jay could not contain.

He yelled and cheered in utter delight, watching as Cole lifted a small _**mountain**_ and tossed it away, a ragdoll in his bare hands. Jay was ecstatic for his friend, and ran to him, arms outstretched in a bone crushing embrace.

"You're amazing Cole! So very amazing." The lightning ninja lifted the other off his feet, translucent robes bled back to black as Cole reciprocated. Jay was strong in his own right, lithe in lieu of Cole's girth, but with a just as much muscle packed onto his runner-esque frame. He was simply overjoyed for Cole, and like all emotions processed by Jay, he was overwhelmed and wanted to share them.

Both of them were just so damn cool. Cole could crush the earth into diamond, and he could defy the physical laws by becoming pure energy. They could be gods really, Jay mused, together with their red, green and white clad brothers. They would protect Ninjago from any and everything as their divine saviors. They could _**do**_ anything, they could _**be**_ anything. It left them both gaping in awe. Lips parted and panting, Jay set Cole back down.

The noirette had an aching grin on his face mirrored by his blue counterpart. Finally he could implement the next step of the plan. Their true potential was maintained by a blend of being at peace with themselves and an insane amount of stamina, so they had to work on both equally.

The coming months entailed them meditating in the various environments where the Bounty would dock, thanking the Lord their mentors felt they needed to gain a tolerance to all sorts of weather. The differing climates gave both earth and lightning a chance to steel themselves against all sorts of assaults to sharpen their minds. Really it was hard to continually accept your own flaws, and no human would ever be without doubts, but the conscious effort to do so was taxing on one's mind. They had to constantly be aware of their own failings, while not allowing them to cloud their view on who they could be. Their bodies gained fortitude as they sparred against each other, building that stamina they needed to maintain the invincible. Cole and Jay were slowly able to stay in their awakened states longer and longer, a great power harnessed within them at their beck and call.

Slowly the ninja were became more and more able; they trusted each other to be there if the other fell. Cole had lifted Jay to his feet in his throes of despair and inner anguish. He had told Jay of the near limitless ability he saw inside the blue boy, while Jay thoroughly showed Cole how truly attentive he had been as strength incarnate.

They were becoming unstoppable. A dual edged sword bonded in the fires of refinement, ready to pierce anyone who stood in their way.

 **XXXXXXXXX**

Winter was starting to set in when Cole and Jay's trust in each other was tested. It was a known fact that in order to learn to fight, you have to fight someone else. Not just a dummy, but an actually human being. Sensei Wu had pit them against each other to teach them a valuable lesson, to anticipate the unexpected and to rely on a combination of surprise, strategy and power. With that in mind, Cole asked Jay to do something he wouldn't normally do.

"I want you to knock me out."

The look of 'What the absolute fuck did you just say to me' on Jay's face was priceless, but Cole couldn't do much to appreciate it at the moment.

"Beg your pardon?"

"You heard me, Jay. I want you to knock me out. Electrocute me. Not enough to hurt me, just to knock me out."

"Now I know you've gotten into Sensei Garmadon's sake stash. What the hell are getting at?"

Cole was unamused with Jay's attempt at humor, so much so his serious calm had shut the other up. He silently asked the other 'Ya done?' and at the imperceptible nod he continued onward.

"Jay, you have the brutal force of lightning at your fingertips. You are a literal walking bolt of raw power. If you hit someone with it, you'll definitely send them on their merry way to Jesus." The brunet in question felt his eyes widen at that tidbit.

"But we're going to teach you to hold back." Okay… so now Jay was intrigued by the other's words. He knew that because lightning was a naturally occurring form of electricity, he could seriously fuck most people up. What he didn't understand at all was where Cole was going with this. He held his tongue, waiting for Cole to continue.

"Think about it Sparky. There are various degrees of output for power. Just like with any machine…."

"…. You have to find the degree of power that won't overload it." Jay thought he was finally getting Cole's thought process.

"Exactly. Too much power, it goes boom." Jay smirked at the euphemism Cole just used. "Too little and it won't work at all. Or it'll be seriously slow at whatever it's supposed to do." Cole continued unfettered.

"Too much power people will literally, explode. _**Everywhere**_ _._ We don't want that. Too little, and you won't be able to use your power offensively against our enemies."

"So I need to find the degree of power to use to knock them out. Enough to shut them down for a little while, but not enough to for them to go boom. Got it."

"Right." Cole really did have nice smile, he should do it more often. "So instead of accidentally frying someone in a needless quest of trial and error, you need to practice. And we'll use me as the lucky dummy."

"Cole, I get it. Really, I do. But what about you? I could still hurt you."

The stare Jay was leveled with conveyed a measure of absolute acceptance and resolve. Jay found himself enraptured by Cole's eyes. They were beautiful, if he was being honest. A forest green with flecks of moss and brown surrounded by a gold ring around the thickest part of the irises and those emerald-nots were positively smoldering with determination. Jay was powerless against them. _**Damn**_ _**him**_ _._

"Jay. I know that. But who else but me could do this? I'm strong. I've taken the shocks you've hit us with better than anyone else. Power for power's sake isn't you Jay. To be truly powerful you need to know how to hold back and use it wisely. Hurting people because you can or because you lack training is the mark of a tyrant. You're not a tyrant Jay. You aren't a killer either." _**Let me help you**_ _._ It was a silent plea, but it was asked all the same. The logic was sound, Jay was impressed with how thought out Cole's reasoning was and found himself _**reluctantly**_ agreeing.

When they sparred they had learned when to strike an opponent, but since they were fighting their brothers, they couldn't hurt each other. This was really the same concept, just with a _**much**_ more pronounced element of danger. As much as Jay didn't want to do it, he knew he had to learn how to use his power more effectively. How much easier would infiltration be if Jay could knock people out from afar. Then the ninja wouldn't have to engage in conflict at every junction. Cole was right though, Jay was no killer, and it would likely rack him with guilt if he became one. This was really the only effective way.

"Alright. I'll give it a shot, but if this goes badly we stop and never try this again Cole. If I hurt you I couldn't live with myself." The master of lightning conceded to the master of earth.

"Let's get started." The boulder brain really needed to care more about his own safety.

All too soon, the ninja stood facing each other. Cole was standing, arms hanging casually at his sides while Jay was opposite him, sweating bullets. _**How is he okay with this?!**_ He tried to mentally prepare himself for what he was about to do. Jay hadn't used his element against Cole in a long time, and **even** when he had, he'd been angry with the earth ninja. This was an entirely different circumstance. He wasn't angry, just scared he'd do something he would regret.

Cole, being shockingly perceptive once again, must've read the unease on his face because he called out to Jay firmly. "Don't go doubting yourself now. We've gotten too damn far. I trust you Jay!"

Jay humphed, cursing the blockhead for knowing just what to say every time. It just wasn't fair how the other made him bend so easily. The little bit of encouragement did its job and spoke volumes. Coming from where they had, with the rift betwixt them oh so deep just months before, the declaration of Cole's trust rocked Jay and boosted his esteem. He _**could**_ do this.

Rearing back, the telltale crackle of white hot electricity formed into a sphere of blue tinted light in his hands. Jay could feel his element, coursing through him, a part of him. He pushed it forward aiming at his friend. The shock and speed of his attack rushed toward Cole, hot energy licking at the other with the intent to devour the black ninja whole. It was as raw and frightening as it was beautiful.

Cole watched the lightning storm towards him, reaching for him and ready to grasp him in that hand of hot fingers and scalding power. He could feel it's heat wanting to burn him, to destroy him from the inside out. Cole could see into the cold heart of Jay's element, and he knew he had been right, there was _**nothing**_ on earth that could stop it. If Cole was nothing else, he was brave. He stood his ground, despite knowing of the lightning's own want to eat him alive, as Jay would _**NOT**_ let that happen.

Never expecting the cold embrace, Cole was shocked to find the lightning wasn't scorching his very flesh, but it was cooler, _**warmer**_ than he though it be. He watched it arch over his skin, never once leaving a black mark on him, never once breaking open the olive hue. He felt his mind disrupt and saw signs of his nervous system losing control over his faculties, but he was not afraid. He could feel his body twitch and shake, but he did not regret doing this. Jay needed to learn, and Cole was the leader that needed to be there to help him do so. With that last thought, he passed out, a blissful smile of pride on his face. _**It's all for Jay**_.

As the other fell to the ground, landing with a thud on the rainforest floor where the Bounty slept, Jay ran to his friend. The sickening dread gripped his heart tight, a vice grip on his spiraling emotions that kept them in check as he approached. The blue ninja exhaled in relief releasing all fear he held.

Having just been knocked out, Cole still somehow managed to look like someone who had just fallen asleep. The lug head looked like he was no doubt having a very peaceful dream, if the blissed-out look was anything to go by. Even when unconscious, Cole looked strong and almost….. breathtaking? It wasn't fair for someone to be so attractive. That thought startled the lightning ninja, but he found he didn't feel it was wrong or even unwelcome. Cole was handsome... beautiful even.

His eyebrows were thick, but they fit his face in a way that only they could. Even though he always looked serious, mean even, when they tilted upward he was a picture of absolute serenity. His face was smooth with a touch of ruggedness that came with his element's territory, a squared jawline with pouty pale coral lips. His olive skin complimented him wonderfully, and the ebony curls swept over his face forming small bangs on his eyes. Though they were closed, Jay remembered the emerald-nots for all their beauty, a blend of colors so uniquely Cole that those eyes couldn't belong to anyone else. It was so unfair.

The earth ninja had and always would be the strongest, and anyone could see he was bigger than the other ninja by a significant margin. True, Cole was not some hulking behemoth with no neck, his muscle was packed on him in a way that made him exude power. Strong arms, defined plains and valleys, the man was a _**god**_ _._ Cole was blend of a boxer who worked with their arms and hands and a quarterback. He was not as huge as a front lineman, but was definitely big enough to play the sport.

 _ **He**_ ' _ **s**_ _**perfect**_ _._ Jay heard the thought ring its way through his mind, doing nothing to stop it as it echoed in the recesses of his psyche. He was attracted to his opposite. Then again, why wouldn't he be? The man clearly showed care for the younger ninja, and catered their training sessions to help Jay overcome his own doubts.

He owed his new found confidence to Cole, and Jay knew that without him he'd still be wallowing in self-depreciation. Cole was light. A diamond. _**His**_ _**diamond**_ _._ Swallowing thickly, Jay realized his could not fight against this as he had already fallen… hard. The blockhead wormed his way into his heart with his words of encouragement and praise. He built Jay up into something he thought he would never become, and that admiration had become something more, so much more. He couldn't say it was love, but it wasn't just a crush. It was something in between, something richer, and he found himself wanting to explore it. He wanted to feel it in its entirety and Jay hoped Cole would feel the same.

Even though it wasn't full blown love, Jay knew what he felt for Cole was already stronger than _**anything**_ he had felt for Nya. The earth ninja had bled for him, fought beside him, and encouraged him. It was a bond forged and refined be the fires of trials and tribulations. There was nothing that could have more depth than that. If anything ever came of Jay's feelings, it would be the greatest resonance of love that he would ever be blessed to experience.

Feeling Cole begin to stir, Jay looked down, inexplicably wanting to be the first thing the noirette saw. Those impossible eyes opened, confusedly, searching before falling on Jay. Green locked themselves onto his own baby blues. The blissed-out smile widened into a full-fledged grin. Something passed between them, maybe understanding, or something more that the blue ninja dared to hope for.

"I knew you could do it."

 **XXXXXXXXX**

It was silly to think that _**only**_ one of the two boys turned men would realize the depth of their feelings. Jay may have been more attuned to this emotions, but _Cole_ was no idiot when it came to liking someone. He never liked Nya, if he hadn't known that before he sure as hell knew now. She was nothing more than an ego boost, but _**this**_ was as real as it was inevitable. They were spending exorbitant amounts of time with each other. Every day after Sensei Wu and Garmadon had finished with their own lessons and drills, earth and lightning would hide away together. They'd find a spot to train wherever the Bounty had decided to lay its head for the night.

How could it have been possible to not notice Jay? All of Cole's focus was on him. He was constantly bombarded with little nuances that were solely Jay. He noticed how those baby blues were just so damn expressive. Narrowed in concentration, bright with triumph, or even hooded with disappointment. Cole found himself enamored by the blue boy, and a little jealous that Jay could express himself without a care. The brunet was so open, and it made Cole realize he loved that dearly about the other.

Cole found himself looking at those eyes more often than not, framed in thick auburn lashes. Jay's features held a delicate nature about them that Cole knew his lacked, but they enthralled him to no end. Jay's oval shaped face was thinner than Cole's own, with baby pink lips, full and tempting, and almond shaped eyes. The chestnut hair was almost always meticulously tousled as strands fell into those oceans of blue mingled with silver and violet. He had always wanted to ask Jay about his scarred eyebrow but he never did, electing to let the other come to him when he was ready.

Jay's body was a work of art. He was smaller than Cole -everyone was, lithe and lean like someone who swam or ran all his life. Jay could pack a punch as hard the rest of them, and he had picked Cole up. Cole remembered that day, after he had finally tapped into his awakened state again, Jay had ran to him and scooped him up with no effort at all. Jay only had super strength when he was awakened, so this meant Jay could naturally hold Cole all on his own. He didn't know why, but it was nice to know someone else could be strong.

It was spring, but the Bounty was in the Sea of Sand, so it felt like a scorching summer day. Their upper halves were bared to the sun and sweat covered them both. Cole would've been lying if he said he wasn't distracted by a stray crystal bead that ran down the length of Jay's body. _**That's so hot**_ _._ Cole knew better to beat around the bush with himself. He had feelings for his best friend and he was not about to hide them. After what happened a few weeks ago, Cole knew he didn't have to. Subtlety had never been a strong suit of his anyway.

Sparring had become rather precarious as of late, due to that little aspect of Cole's nature. Obviously, they would be touching each other often, but what had been simple bouts had turned into something….. _**animal**_. It did not escape Cole's notice that they touched each other _**even**_ _**more**_ than before, and he would've been a better man if he kept himself from taking advantage of it.

But he wasn't. Cole was a young man, still a boy really, primal in nature just like very task of fighting was. It was staggeringly overwhelming, just like the urge to lay claim to the one he lusted after. The thing that got him was, Jay reciprocated. He never stopped Cole when he touched him. Jay never felt discomfort from any of Cole's advances nor did he discourage the earth user's affections; Jay simply responded.

The past weeks had brought a gift, Cole found a new, _**favorite**_ move to use and came to know just how deep Jay's feelings went for him. They'd been jumping and flipping at each other with kicks and punches that weren't meant to connect, just graze. Jay had made a misstep of sorts and landed next to Cole, a split second of vulnerability that the black ninja used to his merit. He grabbed Jay, arms locked around the other's, holding him back from wriggling free. He was a slippery little bastard so he needed to hold tight.

So wrapped up in the fight, Cole's brain came to a screeching halt when he realized the new, _**sensual**_ position he'd put them in. A desperate fight for composure had ensued as Jay's back was flush against the hard planes of his chest. A scorching heat enveloped both of them from top to bottom, flames of desire poured from the inside out. They were panting together, the exertion from fighting hitting them both as their hearts beat together tumultuously as one. He could feel the beats fall into rhythm in tandem, his chest was pressed that closely to Jay's own body. It made Cole glad to know they matched each other even in that aspect.

A black covered crotch was grazing Jay's rounded globes with its tip. Unexpectedly, Cole's cock was being teased into an erection as the other boy gulped to take in more oxygen. Jay's pants were so harsh, that he would shudder tantalizingly against Cole, the briefest touch against his need, on and off, off and on. It was _**maddening**_.

Cole's breath was on Jay's neck, his face leaning against the other's shoulder. The lightning user's own head was tilted back towards his black clad friend, almost like he was allowing Cole to have access to such a vulnerable part of his body. God, how he had wanted to mark Jay right then and there; he'd wanted to sink his teeth into that sun-kissed flesh and suckle it a bruised red and purple. Instead he'd all but buried himself in the subtle scent of vanilla that screamed Jay. Vanilla and berry, and a bit of cinnamon all teased Cole's senses as he breathed in his best friend. _**Mouthwatering**_ _._

They stayed that way for a moment, before Jay stepped back slightly, and those globes fully molded to Cole's tightening sweats. He had moaned, outright with no thought to stop the sound. He could practically _**feel**_ the smirk on that had made its way on Jay's face as the bastard responded with breathy huffs of his own.

He had nipped softly at Jay's neck then, tasting the scent that teased him so. He'd downright _**worshiped**_ Jay in a way he never knew he could. He removed his arms from Jay's, the older boy wrapping them pointedly and deftly around the smaller one's slim waist. His big hands came to rest on the front of Jay's hips, pressing against him further against the black ninja's hard-on.

Jay let it all happen, and moved his hands to grip Cole's own as he bent forward that much more and nearly drove the earth user insane. Jay gently ground his lucious ass down on Cole, enraptured in the other being so damn vocal. His palms were smooth and soft as he held onto Cole's while the older boy had continued to softly mouth the skin betwixt his teeth. Jay continued to mock him, rocking his hips wantonly to and fro, wrenching guttural groans from Cole that were just plain sinful.

The noirette had been deciding whether or not to grind back into Jay when the other boy flipped them. He landed on his back then, hard, with a personified lightning bolt on top of him. Jay had braced himself, hands on either side of Cole's head, bent forward at the waist, groin snug and welded to his abdomen. Jay was shorter than him by a good three inches or so, so that meant their cocks weren't against each other just yet. Cole could feel how close his tip was to Jay's own need and felt his own dick twitch in anticipation and want. It was then he noticed Jay was hard as he was, still gasping, face flushed and blue eyes blown navy black with lust. His knew the look on his face probably mirrored Jay's own. Forest emerald, darkened to a hunter jade as he looked up at the blue boy, mouth parted with a glimpse of his pink tongue between those pouty lips.

His hands were at Jay's waist, holding him there with his legs bent at the knee to cage him in. Jay moved his hands to brace himself against Cole's chest instead of the deck with a chestnut canopy framing his face. Cole had known he stared at Jay like he was his air, his _lifeline,_ and watched Jay while rubbing circles into his waist. He pulled Jay's waist to his groin, causing the other ninja to cry out at how he could feel fucking _**big**_ Cole knew he was. Content to lay there, Cole immersed himself in just being in the moment, tormenting his little Jaybird with lust. He would've continued his ministrations, grinding closer to Jay's sweet spot, with the full girth of his dick on his ass, however, it was not to be.

At that exact moment Kai, Zane and Lloyd could be heard rounding the corner. Quicker than he could follow, Jay had sprang off him, and Cole hadn't been able to convince himself not to feel disappointed. He understood though, the others were _**relentless**_ when it came to gossip, like teenage girls discussing boys over Cosmo magazines or some junk like that. He did _**NOT**_ want that, not yet. He had thought Jay had sprang up and moved away from him, but was pleasantly surprised when a black gloved hand reached down to him. He looked into Jay's eyes, grasping the digit securely in his own as the other pulled him up.

Jay hadn't looked away from him at all. He was blushing up a storm, but wasn't bashful about what happened and Cole could see his new confidence had shone through. There was a small, secret smile on Jay's face as he looked at Cole, need still clearly defined in his eyes, that was returned tenfold. They'd let their hands linger until their brothers finally came into view, ready to join them.

Cole cherished that memory, and was happy his feelings seemed to be reciprocated fully to the pointed they'd nearly cum from heaving petting alone. From that day, though they had already been all but inseparable, there was a certain tenderness about their get-togethers. There was still the obvious want to fuck each other sideways but, it was almost like a duet of courting one another. It wasn't uncommon for Jay to wake and watch the sunrise with Cole anymore. His head found a home on the other's shoulder as Cole held him close. It also wasn't weird for Cole to follow Jay around either, especially to the kitchen where Jay taught him to cook basic dishes that wouldn't nearly kill everyone on board. Inwardly, Cole felt himself become complete as Jay and he fit into each other, not unlike yin and yang.

"Cole."

"Hm." His best friend's voice jolted him out of his musings on the last few weeks as he looked wide eyed at Jay. He had forgotten that Jay was explaining something at that particular moment and he couldn't remember what it was about for the life of him. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

Jay just chuckled and shook his head. "I was saying that we should try something. Something I've always wanted to do."

"Oh? What's that Sparky?"

"Well... you know how all four of our dragons can become one dragon. I mean it has four heads, but still, they come together?"

"Yeah."

"I wanted to try to see we could summon our dragons together… and see if they… could…"

"Become one?" His blunt personality would be the death of Jay, he knew.

"Y-Yeah." Jay stuttered, clearly remembering that hot as fuck spar, but held firm. He remembered the sheer want just like Cole did, and just like Cole, he was glad he wasn't the only one going crazy. But before they lost themselves to the lust, Jay wanted to do this, to show even opposites could find harmony and balance. They already had. He wanted this to be the ultimate testament of _**them**_ _._ Hopefully Cole would pick up on that, he'd been doing a good job of reading his intentions as of late.

"Sure Sparky. That seems like a great idea." Cole's gentle, breathtaking smile broke through any reservoir of nervousness Jay had left and he ushered Cole to the edge of the Bounty. It was flying them to their newest destination, lazily sailing through the acrid air of the Sea of Sand to the valley of the Casshern Mountains. It was a swamp, really, having all the wetness that the desert lacked, starting at an abrupt boundary of sand and lush marshland.

Jay and Cole stood, hand in hand, glancing down at the deep, craggily canyons they were leaving behind. Cole flexed his hand, squeezing Jay's to assure him he was with him, still there to see him through if it didn't work. Jay immediately was aware he had Cole's trust and told him what to do.

"Just fall with me. Summon your dragon. We aren't too high up, so we could use spinjitzu to land safely if it doesn't work."

"It'll work Jay, you planned this. We trust each other, so let's be strong together."

The blush that tore across Jay's face was fierce, a bright red against sun-tanned skin, but that beaming smile was what brought joy to Cole's heart. _**He**_ put that there. If you would've told him he would have romantic feelings for his friend, turned rival, turned friend, he would've told you to get help. Professional help. Now he was courting his best friend, someone he looked at as a brother, and was now someone he looked at as something more, something _**special**_.

They fell.

The air rushed around them, friction trying to slow them down as they rapidly descended. The wind whipped their hair to and fro with such force the strands stung their cheeks. Eyes squinted against the turbulence that forced out tears. Cole reached for Jay's free hand against the weight of the world and took it, connecting the circle. He willed his dragon into reality, and it came thundering from within him using Cole's very soul as its own life blood to birth itself into existence. Jay could only watch and do the same.

They slowed down, the awesome force of bringing their dragons into reality repelled the natural laws of gravity. Slowly, ever so slowly, they could see something painstakingly forming beneath them. It was a speck at first, growing exponentially into the incarnate of wholehearted trust and how far they'd come with one another. Cole poured what he felt for Jay into the summon, every ounce of admiration, praise, faith, and dare he say, _**love**_ , into his dragon as it fed off his powerful feelings.

The dragon, a Wisp/Rocky hybrid, was a beautiful creature. It looked to be made of polished and smoothed black-grey stones that interconnected in the way only a puzzle could. Only those pieces made the particular picture they were meant to become. The stones had a translucent quality, that gave the stones a fog like appearance, and it took Cole a while to realize they were made of smoky quartz. Blue-white lines of lighting crackled underneath the breathable, quartz skin and cast a glow underneath that was purely _**ethereal**_. The power surged in arcs over the see-through silver curtains called wings. Sparks flaked off the powerful appendages with shimmering lavender colored dust. The lights were white fireflies in a cloud of unbelievable lavender. The starlight still clinging in the dawn.

 _ **This is what we made. Together. This is what**_ _ **we**_ _**made**_ _._ Both ninja sat on the creature's back, Jay behind Cole, flush against him, their chests still bare. The blue ninja was in awe as his black clad friend steered the earth/lightning hybrid. Cole was looking back at Jay, drinking in the awestruck expression on his face. His mouth was agape, almost disbelieving of what he saw. The wind tugged at auburn strands and they caressed his face as a lover would.

"Jay."

The boy in question looked at him, still stupefied, though now it wasn't because of the dragon. He and Cole had done this _**together**_ _._ He was now in awe of Cole, his best friend, his brother…. _His…._ _ **HIS**_...

Jay leapt at Cole, his aim true as pale coral met baby pink in earnest for the first time. All of the feelings Jay felt since they started training with each other flowed through him and into Cole. His gratitude licked at Cole's plump upper lip, his need tugged at the bottom, while his admiration licked at the tongue battling his own for dominance. Cole felt Jay give his all, and returned it easily, allowing his want for Jay to touch each expanse, love in every action.

Kissing Jay was akin fireworks, a spectacular sensation of ecstasy and harmony. He could feel his soul being ripped apart, begging for the other's lips to be the what it lived on. It knew Cole could never survive without this boy in his life. Cole's soul was cursing him for daring to deny it the sweet taste of Jay. It was this unknown, _**unbridled**_ pleasure that had been kept from Cole's very spirit for so _**fucking**_ long. The kiss was laced with want and need, primal and loving all at the same time. They kissed like their lives depended on it and it alone, and maybe, it did.

Cole couldn't hold Jay since he had the reigns, so Jay crushed his body to his own, hands desperately grasping the beginnings of the deep V of his hips. It was like Jay was trying to become a part of him, melding into Cole as their elements had done with the very dragon they sat upon. And Cole loved it. _**Every single bit of it**_ _._ How he longed to hold him, to feel all of Jay and for Jay to feel all of him.

The kiss had lasted for an eternity, before they'd broken apart, panting like they'd done weeks ago. The need and lust was even stronger than it was prior and never before had Cole felt the need to share every bit of who he was with anyone. But Jay, he had broken him, he walked right in and held Cole's stone heart in his hands and warmed it, warmed it back to life with love's first kiss.

Trying to catch his breath, Jay gazed at the boy, no man, who had given him the best damn kiss of his life. _**Fuck**_ _._ The literal mind-blowing affect had dazed the blue ninja, he couldn't function without the stupid blockhead. He couldn't imagine his life without him. This man was his soulmate, his everything. Jay needed Cole in his life. He knew that now, and would do anything in his power to keep him.

The dragon raced alongside the Bounty, before they were close enough to jump on the deck. The dragon followed along, as the ninja didn't have the heart to dispel it. It was a symbol of them, and as such, it had a right to declare to the whole damn world their newfound love. They stood together, both hands clasped to one another, eyes blown wide and huge smiles on their faces.

Jay stepped forward snuggling against Cole, as the other planted his chin on the chestnut locks of his _**boyfriend**_ _._ He shuddered in pure ecstasy at the feeling of Jay's skin against his equally bare chest, the thumping of their hearts harmonious. It was a new chapter, not of Jay and Cole, but of love and promise.

That day heaven met earth with a _**kiss**_.

 **XXXXXXXXX**

 **I just want to say the fic is not over. I have decided to make this a multi-chapter instead of a one shot as I originally planned. This chapter is prologue of how Jay and Cole got together and the subsequent chapters will focus on establishing their relationship as well as trials they face as well as their first time. This won't be too long a story. Maybe three sections at most, but it will be beautiful. This the first fanfic I have written in a while. After struggling with depression I am back in the fray. I used to be bLuE-pHoEnIx, all that remains is HORRiD.**


	2. Chapter 2

Cole could not thank the Lord enough for the vision before him. His sweet little Jaybird had never looked more beautiful and innocent, but to the contrary, that just made the black ninja want to fuck his pretty little brains even more. Ever since they became a couple, the sheer **_need_** to taste all of the lightning user had increased ten-fold. Though Cole knew very well that he wanted to bend Jay over a chair and watch those pert, creamy globes bounce with every thrust he made (he **_really_** needed to calm the hell down), he also knew he wanted their first time to be special. As much as he wanted to submit to the beast inside of him and engage in the most primal of actions, it was just as important to Cole that the first time be tender and loving. There was plenty of time to engage in the rougher side of intimacy, the earth user reasoned, but the initial deed needed a certain level of delicacy. Jay deserved to be treated like the treasure he was; call him old-fashioned.

Great, now Cole had gotten himself excited. However, how could he not be? This was just plain torture, the sight before him was truly exquisite and demanded nothing less than to be admired. **_Damn Sensei Wu. Damn that old asshole for putting me through this._**

The five ninja, two sensei, and annoying tag along were all in a village in the Celtic hillside forest celebrating the passing of the Spring Equinox. Granted, the actual occasion had taken place nearly two weeks ago, but the residents in the town opted to celebrate after the trees had bloomed. Cole could see why, the Forest of Hues, or Pastel Forest, could not be described in words when it was basking in its full glory. Shiroin, was a unique place, as there was nowhere quite like it. A daring cultural blend of Japanese and Celtic elements created the old world they stood in today.

Apparently, some Japanese explorers wanted to discover the world and after weeks of sailing, hit the Irish countryside and explored. They found a dewy meadow clearing and an enchanted wood, and settled here. They brought with them their flora, mostly cherry blossom trees and crossbred them with the native rosebushes, creating something truly wonderful. The resulting offspring was a weeping willow of cherry blossoms with rose like petals in every pastel color, a mute rainbow of pure beauty. The petals were delicate and transparent, glass teardrops knit together with a jewel center. It was astonishing.

Shiroin wasn't just a blend of flora, but a blend of people and architecture as well. It wasn't uncommon to see biracial residents that had oriental facial features with the fiery red hair of the Irish folk. Almond shaped eyes would house emerald or sapphire eyes more often instead of the usual brown, and while still wraith-like in comparison to their Asian ancestry, they were sturdier thanks to Irish roots. The bejeweled trees grew among aged runes and a light fog always hovered above the grass. It was a storybook fantasy come to life, and Cole found it nice to see a place like this, untouched by modernism.

Currently, it was making his blue companion stand out even more. Their Sensei had given them the rare, nearly unheard of, day off. 'To enjoy the festival,' the wise old monk had said. Obviously, the elder had been to this gathering before, and ensured them that this was something they needed to see just once. It was a coincidence that they were there training the day before in the clearing that now housed the event. **_Yeah right, that geezer planned this._**

Wu informed them this was a… formal festival, and that they need to don more appropriate garb. Liberties were taken, and each person of the Bounty found a kimono waiting for them on their respective beds. Therein lay Cole's dilemma. Jay looked absolutely fucking **_gorgeous_** in his, and the earth user thought he would go **_blind_** from all the damn radiance being thrown at him. Did courting someone automatically include agony? Surely, the universe hated him. How on earth was he supposed to not behave like a primal beast when his almost lover looked so damn stunning?! He was trying to be a gentleman for God's sake.

Really he should stop complaining, because Jay was a vision swathed in the hues of the sky. The blue ninja wore his kimono well, the garment hugging his curves nicely. Pastel blue covered Jay's figure fading to a darker robin's egg. Calligraphy inspired clouds, a dusty grey, lazily covered the bottom half of the skirt and sleeves, while overlaid with a design that mimicked beehive lace, though slightly transparent, a purposely faint grid. The hem and collar were lined with sparkling silver, no doubt a fine silk. An intricately embroidered obi was snug against Jay's slender waist, adorned with a Chinese dragon made of his element. How did their Sensei afford this?

Right now his little Jaybird was standing against a backdrop of an enchanted lilac tree covered with petals flowing around him in the gentle breeze. Falling amethyst shards complimented him, a soft smile on his face as he took in the sites. Jesus, no one had the right to look like that, **_no one_**. It was small wonder why Cole wanted to ravage him oh so slowly.

As Cole stood, admittedly drooling over Jay, the scourge of his existence planted herself right beside the lightning user. Nya had being sniffing around his boyfriend as of late, and he **_did not_** appreciate it at all. Why did people always miss what they had when it was already gone? She chose to leave both of them in the dust, so her flirting with Jay was outrageous. Scowling deeply, Cole stormed over to the harpy that was currently fondling his beloved. Nya was clearly not pleased, if her scathing look was anything to go by, but who honestly cared.

"Jay remember to come by later." Her tone was haughty and made Cole raise one eyebrow, "We need to talk." With that she deliberately sauntered off, swaying her hips suggestively, but not before giving a Cole a look of distain. Both ninja watched her go, one annoyed to the highest caliber and the other slightly disgusted.

"What the hell was that?"

"I honestly haven't a clue. She just came up and started talking. I wasn't really listening since she kept **_touching_** me." Jay shivered, clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation.

"She's just jealous and upset she gave up someone so great. Funny how people never realize what they have."

In an off-hand way, Cole was laying his claim, and it felt good to call Jay his. No one ever said he wasn't possessive, it just hadn't come up until now. Fighting for his love, he would do it in a heartbeat, no question and it irked him Nya was trying to move in on their newfound relationship. In the back of his mind, Cole wondered idly if this was karma. He didn't care, Jay was his now, that's how it was going to stay. Nya be damned.

Exhaling, Cole laced his hand with his blue counterpart's and led him to the clearing where all the vendors had set up shop. They were here to have fun, once again, Nya be damned. Jay would have the time of his life, Cole would make sure. Shooting a smile his way, they trekked into the unknown.

 **XXXXXXXXX**

Had Jay ever mentioned that he loved Cole's timing? Well he did. Casually admiring the forest, the blue ninja was wholeheartedly struck by its beauty and overall existence, not understanding how it was possible. He had taken in the pale violet hues of the tree's flowers, and the vinery wrapping around; the trunk an ashen color that blended seamlessly with all the light hues. So enraptured by Mother Nature's artistry, he never noticed his ex-girlfriend walking up to him. He felt Nya before he saw her, a sly grin on her lips, eyes raking over his form.

Feeling more than a little violated, Jay regarded her with growing discomfort as she all but molested his arm. He had no idea why this was happening and could only hope that this would end soon.

"Hi Jay." Lord help him, she was using her flirting voice. It grated his nerves raw, and he was wishing that something would make her leave soon. Though he hardly wanted Nya there, Jay was nothing if not polite.

"H-Hey Nya, enjoying the festival?"

"I'm sure I'd enjoy more if I had some personal company." Nausea flirted with him.

"Well I'm sure Kai would love to give you some."

"Kai's not who I had in mind. You and I need to talk anyway." Jay was not religious, not in the slightest, but he had prayed for the first time ever. Nya needed to let him go, she had his arm in a death grip with one hand and was stroking it with the other. When the fuck had that happened? **_God save me_**.

Something dark moved in Jay's peripheral vision, his gaze drawn to it, a moth to a flame. Cole was striding toward him, graceful scowl on his handsome face in all his terrible glory. The earth ninja was pissed, and Jay couldn't help but notice how hot he was when angry. The breath left Jay's lungs as he choked at the gaze directed toward him and Nya.

Forest emerald burned charcoal green with undisguised displeasure, mouth tight and lips drawn in a line. Inky lock shaded his eyes, making them glow an eerie hunter color and he could see the faint outline of pebbles swirling around him, a show of dominance and possession. Cole stalked, his legs taking long strides in a determined gait, never wavering from his path with his gaze locked.

It didn't help the earth was clad in his customary all black. Really the only 'pastel' shade of black was charcoal grey, and it was still dark. It didn't help the design was onyx stones in the shaped of a hard, jagged iron rods like a gate to the ninth level of hell. They were spires of ebony wings, dark tribal wings patterned against a stormy background. His sleeves were purposely tattered along the edges, and the kimono was open baring that marvelous chest to the dam world. Jay shuddered, in fear and excitement, the terrible angel he worshiped had come to save him from a she-devil.

Wisely, Nya stepped away, no doubt **_feeling_** the intent behind the stony gaze, a frown marring her own face. Cole stood in front of him, blocked Jay with his body as Jay took a step closer to his sanctuary. He regarded his ex coolly as she spoke her final words, thankfully departing to parts out of mind and sight. Grateful was all Jay could feel while Cole questioned what the hell just happened and that the older boy understood the younger was distressed by the whole exchange. He did not want Nya back, and he had a hunch that's what she wanted to talk about.

A warm hand slid into his and pulled him to the vendors in the clearing. Right, they were celebrating this day off, Jay had nearly forgotten. Eager to look at all they had, the lightning ninja buzzed around. Growing up, Jay had never had a chance to really get something for himself. He **_did_** live in a junkyard, everything he had was secondhand, and he never really had anything new. A wonderland of goods lay before him, it made him itch to explore everything.

Jay practically skipped to one of the displays that held glassware and awed at the blend of colors and symbols, an amused Cole trailed behind him smirking. Expecting plates, or something more ordinary, he was surprised to see that it contained sculptures of fantastic gods and goddesses, creatures foul and fair. One in particular caught Jay's eye, holding every bit of his attention under a scrutinizing look.

She was a personified tree, a fairy of the wood. Dark, bark like skin covered her appendages and most sensitive areas and caressed her breasts, fading into a smooth almost white grey on her torso, navel and between the slopes. Black lips were plump, with mint jade eyes. Branches flowed like hair from her head with ivory flowers intertwined in the twigs, the pale tips dipped in melted mint. This was alluring. Looking around he saw she was the only one of her kind. She was beautiful really, come to life in the essence of sunlight on glass.

"See something you like." Did Cole really have to say it like that? His already deep baritone grazed Jay's ear like a naughty secret and sent tingles down his spine. That silky voice was directed straight into his very being reverberating in the muscles of his neck and pooling there. He could not pop a boner here, there were so many people; Jay could feel the twitch of his left eye. This was actually ridiculous, Jay wanted to **_taste_** him. The lightning user knew Cole liked standing behind him, and really it was only practice for what was to come.

Pushing down his arousal, Jay turned to face the noirette smirking, "Yeah…. I do." Cole mirrored his look, a devious, downright seductive sneer on his face. The black ninja wanted to eat him alive, the tension was killing Jay. He was aching for the other to just ravage him, so much so, Jay was shaking and he had to hold onto the shelf for support.

The space between them diminished significantly, was Cole going to make out with him right here?! Jay was already trembling, this was too much, and that damn blockhead hadn't looked away yet. He wasn't going to look away first, Jay was beyond that. His breath hitched as Cole reached out, only to grip the statue behind him. That god forsaken leer still on his face.

"I'll just pay for this." Before this day was over, Jay could say with a fair amount of certainty that he would die from asphyxiation or some sort of heart attack. Releasing his death grip on the shelf, the brunet scurried to the next booth. He was basically a kid in a candy story oohing and aahing at everything like it was sacred. Bobbles, trinkets, knickknacks galore surrounded Jay and he was trying to figure how they worked. It was the inventor in him that wanted to take things apart and put them back together.

He was engrossed in some sort of…. tapestry when a bag was thrust at him, startling Jay out of whatever he had been thinking about. The earth user was flashing him a kilowatt smile, eyes lidded, a sassy hand on his hip. Rolling his baby blues, Jay took the bag from Cole knowing this symbolized the first gift he'd received in their budding relationship. It had only been a couple months, but this was a nice step, a solid step. Now he'd have to get Cole something, that was the real reason why Jay had be running around like a chicken with his head cut off. Honestly, he hoped he could find something Cole would like, because the man was extremely hard to shop for.

It's not that Cole didn't have likes and dislikes, he never just really talked about them. It could be infuriating at times because Jay never knew what to get him for Christmas or his birthday, and the blue boy was no slouch when it came to presents. He didn't want to give Cole a generic gift, to say he tried and to give himself a pat on the metaphorical back. No, Jay wanted Cole to have a gift he would adore. The only thing he knew that would make Cole happy was anything to do with him. That little piece of gold might be all he needed though, he mused with a quirked brow.

They strolled together, shoulders brushing every so often while they relished the contact since silk felt so good against the skin and to feel each other. Jay was still on the lookout for something to return the favor when a godsend caught his eye. It hung from a simple chain, which was great, Cole liked simple things. Looking around he made sure that the earth user was preoccupied before he snuck into the neighboring booth and bought the gift. He had just stuffed a little brown bag into his sleeve when Cole turned around. Quickly shuffling to the black ninja's side, Jay gave a too big grin. The other looked puzzled and shrugged, holding out his hand for the blue ninja to hold. Jay couldn't help but smile genuinely as he grasped it with his own.

The crowd had been steadily filtering into one direction, piquing Jay's interest, so, in true Walker fashion, he went with the flow as he dragged Cole along. The noirette never let go, letting himself be led to wherever Jay decided to take them. They came upon an amphitheater, with crimson curtains shut tight to guard against meddling festival-goers. God he hated waiting for things, he wanted to know what was going to happen right then and there.

"Jay. JJAAAYYYYYY!" He heard a feminine voice call out to him, knowing it could only be one person. Lo and behold, Nya was waving her arm back and forth while her hand cupped her mouth. He was relieved to see her older brother and Zane by her side. Jay figured Lloyd was off somewhere with his father and uncle. The brunet made his way over, stopping at the ordained bench and pushed Cole in ahead of him. The tinkerer's face dropped when the black ninja sat next to her, eyes flicking to Jay. She caught the condescending sneer Cole sent her way and let out a discouraged sigh.

 ** _Sorry Nya, but I really don't want to fall into a trap like that._** If she wanted what he thought she did, Jay was going to keep that from happening at every turn; Cole came in handy by being a good wall. Attention turned to the worn stage, the wear and tear evident but it was still in good condition. Clanks and dings could be heard as people shuffled behind the red world, setting up the ensemble. His knee were bouncing, Jay never could sit still and he would simply fidget. He was not good at waiting, not at **_all_**. A big hand pushed his knees to a stop, there was no way that it wasn't his boyfriend's, calming down his excitement.

Soon enough the curtains parted, showing off the different exotic instruments positions on top of the stage. Someone, anyone, started a count and then they settled into a baleful toon, one after the other after the other. Like the cultural blend that was the theme throughout this festival, it was a Celtic song played with Asian instruments. A mournful, haunting melody that resonated within Jay deeply. These two cultures, so different, blended together seamlessly, just like a two certain ninja.

Jay closed his eyes, and let the woodwind pipe wash over him, the somber notes floating in his ears. His thin hand gripped the back of Cole's, and the blue ninja felt a solemn calm descend over the entire theater, cloaking it in a cover of peace, the entire audience moving as one.

They needed this. The constant training, the constant meditating, the constant constants didn't exist in this moment trapped in time. Here was the place between chaos and order, hectic and boring, this was the place dreams were made and opposites became one another. Jay longed to live in that place, but alas, the music came to an end. His lids felt heavy when he finally cracked them open, not knowing how long he sat listening, but seeing the telltale dusting of gold signifying the sunset.

Cole's hand was still under his, and Jay felt it shift a grasp lightly at the fingertips. The black ninja stood and pulled his boyfriend to the forest. He'd guessed correctly, feeling Jay would want to see the forest as the sun said goodbye for the day. They would return to the Bounty at nightfall, as always when they were out, and Jay was glad Cole could read him like a book when it came to making memories. The duo steadily paced toward the Pastel Forest, each hue taking on a golden tint. Stained glass petals rained with the wind, when Cole sat them under the same lilac tree Jay admired earlier. Even when angry, Cole memorized what the brunet liked. Jay grinned.

The earth user leaned on the tree, and the lightning ninja in turn laid on Cole's exposed chest, watching the sun dip below the horizon to sleep. He could see the moon peeking out, a white thorn in violet black just beyond view. He could see it spread, the fullness being more apparent as time went on and darkness overtook the sky.

The moon, an ivory knight in the black, had the little star soldiers light up the ebony blankets so nicely, already willing to do its bidding. The petals still fell, an earthen storm before them, gliding to and fro to the grass below. Cole's hands were on Jay's stomach, pliant and steady, showing he was still there, that he was Jay's rock.

Slowly, Jay turned to face the black ninja and drank in the features caressed by the moonlight and for some reason was surprised to find the other was staring back just as intently. Really though, he shouldn't have expected any different. With the same nonaggressive pace, Jay reached in his sleeve and pulled out his concealed present. Cole's eyes dashed to the little paper bag in question, looking back up at Jay asking with his gaze alone what it was.

"For you, you big lug." Gingerly he placed it in Cole's palm, watching, waiting as it was unwrapped. It glinted in the in the thorn of light, but could be seen for what it was. It was simple, but the message it sent was so complex. The Celtic knot for strength rested on the end of the gold chain, a pale brass in the limited illumination, and in the center was a small lion's head with diamond eyes.

Cole stared at it, sweet smile tugging on his lips as he slipped it on. Lion defended their young and their pride with their lives. The implication of what Jay had given him was evidently not lost on the older boy when scooped the other closer. Being in his arms felt safe, safe and like **_home_**.

"I'll always protect you Jay."

"I know you will." He responded immediately, his belief strong.

Lips pressed to baby pink, urgent and needy, a tongue running along his lips begging to be let in. The blue ninja did so, tasting the earth, cinnamon and cocoa, a heady mixture, and so very Cole. He suckled at the muscle, tickling the underside with his own. Jay drew moans from the other, swallowing them down as they belonged to him and him alone. The kiss got rougher, he felt his body shift until Jay lay flat on his back underneath Cole. Their bond remained unbroken.

Jay felt himself harden as he ground into Cole, sliding his need against the others and teasing him to the same level of arousal. Once again, the silk felt amazing, but it was masking the heat he needed from the earth. He wanted it, **_craved_** it, needing to feel their skin on each other to get that delicious friction. Jay guided his boyfriend's hands down from his sides to his throbbing erection, telling him to reach in and put out the prize. Earth did what lightning asked, freeing the confined member. The breeze stroked the sensitive skin with ghosting kisses that made his body writhe with pleasure.

A warm hand kneaded the tip, finally closing around the shaft and bobbed, while Cole's mouth left his and explored the region of his neck. Breath hummed over his jugular, shivers raced over his flesh as goosebumps erupted. It wasn't even cold anymore. Teeth dug into the expanse between neck and shoulder, marking him and the sadistically slow pulls on his member were driving him to the brink. He felt the harsh suck on the bite mark, sure to stain his skin scarlet, followed by the deft swipe of tongue. Fingers jiggled his balls, alternating with those sinful jerks and caresses on his shaft. Jay couldn't think, couldn't function as he melted into Cole.

The earth ninja for his part, kept biting and suckling in turn, making the bruise bigger. Cole wanted the world to see Jay was his. The blue ninja was coming undone, trying desperately to knit himself back together. Jay had to get Cole to the same state he was in somehow, some way, but it was hard when he couldn't form a sentence in his mind.

It was quite by accident that Jay's hand nicked Cole's nipple, causing a shutter shock and sharp gasp of air. Even in his lust addled mind, lightning heard earth's tense intake and did it again. He twisted the sweet spot, rubbing the nub in betwixt his thumb and index and rolled it expertly. Feeling moans pour from Cole's mouth, the noirette melded their mouths together again, more demanding than before. Teeth clacked and lips were gnawed red.

One of Jay's hands continued paying with Cole's nipple, the other pulling out his boyfriend's own throbbing cock. **_Damn._** He's felt the girth before, through his gi, but this was so much more... in depth. Of course Cole had to be huge everywhere, but not only that, he was thick and pulsated in Jay's hand. Nearly nine inches if the brunet had guess and wasn't currently having his mind bent in half. How this was ever going to fit inside him. He didn't know, but fuck did he want it? He could imagine Cole's dick, hitting that damn spot over and over again without fail. He'd fill Jay up before he even came himself, and the blue ninja would see stars when he reached his climax.

Some part of him knew, this wasn't how he wanted his first time, on the ground outside. Though this place was surreal and out of a fantasy, he still dreamed of the comfort of a bed and candlelit evening. Jay was a romantic at heart, and that's how he would stay until the end of time itself.

Jay's thumb swiped over the slit, smearing the leaked cum messily on the head. The lightning user's own need was being pumped and he swore he was blacking out, because really who was supposed to be this good at hand jobs? Here Jay was bursting apart at Cole's mere touch. When in the world did this man find a moment to practice?! Brain began to turn to mush when his boyfriend brought their erections together and rubbed them both at the same time. Satin smooth skin was forced to his, curse Cole's huge hands, making Jay ascend to a new level of madness.

If this is what he could expect from his hands, Jay wondered what Cole's mouth could do. That thought alone was enough to send him careening over the edge, vision exploding white and hot as he came. He was gasping, trying to get some sort of bearing over himself. Registering vaguely that Cole hadn't come yet, Jay struggle to move upright. Maybe he should return the favor, no, he definitely should. Getting himself under control was feat, but Jay managed.

He sat up, which made Cole lean back, and kept going until his boyfriend was on the tree again, dick out and hard, bobbing all on its own. Jay licked his lips, initiating what he was about to do with feathery kisses up the shaft. He swirled the tip, and could hear the shuddering moans emanate from the black ninja. **_Get ready for the shock of your life Cole._** Plunging down with alarming speed, took the monster that was Cole into his mouth in on foul swoop.

 **XXXXXXXXX**

The little bastard didn't have a gag reflex, the earth ninja realized ruefully, bucking when the other took him and made him nearly blackout in euphoria. Jesus **_Christ_** that was totally unexpected, but totally welcome. The bulbous head hit the back of Jay's throat and the brunet kept going at top speed, coaxing, pleading to milk the black ninja dry.

The pink appendage slithered over the base, and one hand teased his balls coyly. Cole was overstimulated, mind broken by skill. He was damn near screaming, he had to be, and he hoped against hope no one heard him or saw them. That was part of the fun though, the thrill of being seen, and being on display for anyone to come across. The Devil had to have given Jay his mouth. He was sure he was short circuiting.

Mercifully, Jay deep throated him one more time, and he let loose, pouring all he had down the gullet and the blue ninja swallowed it all. He had come in ropes upon ropes of sperm, his seed spilling onto Jay's waiting tongue. No drop was wasted on the ground, and he watched his Jaybird lick those pouty baby pick lips. **_What the absolute fuck was that?_**

He must've been disheveled, because Jay was doing a damn good impersonation of the Cheshire cat. Seriously, he could see all the teeth in that gaping maw. Crimson dusted over this cheeks. Jay had taken his cock like a pro. Never stopping, never breaking and he made him explode in the most satisfying release he had ever had in his life.

"Surprise, surprise." Jay was a twat on his good days. Damn, was it his birthday again already? It was two weeks ago, and Jay had been too sweet when he made him a cake. If only Cole had gotten to eat both his cakes that day, or maybe eat it off Jay. Now there was an idea for the future. The black ninja filed that away for later.

Cole chuckled and stood up, tucking himself back in looking on as Jay did the same. Hopefully nothing got on their kimono, these things were probably a fortune, and he was sure neither of them wanted to explain how a stain got there, let alone what it was. He probably should've aimed Jay's cock away or something. Well, there's next time; he knew there would be a next time. He reached for Jay, the later coming easily after he retrieved his gift, and trudged back to the Bounty.

They walked in a companionable silence, taking in the glow of the moon. The trees looked like subjects bowing to their queen with their branched bent so. The enchanted forest was now in solemn reverence, and they made their way through the clearing to the other side where their home slept. It wasn't very far, and after the intense, physical exertion, they were more than a little tired. Still, earth and lightning held other each other, clinging for dear life, and that alone said all it needed to say.

When docked, mounting the wooden beast was easy they just had to use a step ladder and not climb up a longer, rope one, which they were thankful for. Cole stepped up to the deck, pulling Jay up carefully with him. Sleep was waging war against his drooping eyelids, but Cole would do this right. He led Jay to his room, right next to his own.

"Goodnight, Jay." A chaste kiss was placed on the blue boy's lips, causing a soft smile to break out. He hugged the older boy to him, arms draped over his neck.

"Goodnight, Cole."

Parting ways, Jay walked into his room to the left and Cole shuffled a few feet to the right to his doorway. He made sure the brunet was inside, finally walking in to his own abode. Quickly he stripped, and put on his pajamas, forgoing the top as he literally fell into bed. He would dream easy tonight, of blue-violet eyes and baby pink lips, of smooth pale skin and purely sinful mouths. Cole closed his eyes, knowing that today he'd experienced true happiness.

Jay, in the room over was fumbling for his light, striking true with one final flick, only happy when it was illuminated fully. He wanted to but his new dryad on display right away lest he forget and his gift lay forgotten for a night. Digging it out and unwrapping the plastic wrap protection, he turned to place it on his dresser only to be met with shock and uneasy.

Nya laid on his bed, looking curiously at the statue he almost dropped, knowing instantly who it was from. This was a complication in her plans, Jay was supposed to be malleable, easy. Ever since the breakup, Nya had admittedly been lonely and now sought companionship. She cursed herself for making the decision to pick neither, and somehow the two had come together. She shook her head, Jay had been with her for two years and he couldn't move on from her. She was his heart, she had to be, and she needed someone to make her feel special again. Honestly, Nya would've been happy with either Cole or Jay, but the earth user was stubborn and would take more time to crack. That was true beyond a shadow of a doubt. Jay was weaker, and constantly looked for assurance anywhere he'd find it. After a few nice words, Jay would forget all about this little tryst with Cole and come back to her. It made no sense to be gay anyway, you can't have children or get married. There's the stigma too, of being the gay couple. If anything, Nya was saving him, and had someone to do her bidding again. It was a win-win.

She poured on her charm, "Jay, remember our chat from earlier."

"You said we needed to talk."

"Yes, Jay. I may have made a mistake in not choosing one of you... it's been so lonely lately and I miss you."

Dear God, Jay had been regretting this. He would never understand why on God's green earth why she wanted him now after he was established with Cole. She clearly didn't care about their new relationship and she thought she could just come in his room with his boyfriend **_next_** door and try this crap. At least when Cole had done this, Nya pushed him first by confessing her feelings, he didn't just go up to her and basically ask that she break it off with Jay point blank. Contrary to Nay's belief, the blue boy could see through her ploy. She just wanted someone for her, what he felt didn't matter, if her disrespect was anything to go by.

What could he really say to her though, when the inventor was in this state and thinking with her ego? It would most likely not matter to Nya regardless of what Jay said, his bond with Cole already didn't, so there went the moral road.

Carefully selecting his words, Jay began:

"It will never happen." That coy face gradually lost its sexy smirk, falling into cool anger at the blue ninja.

"It won't happen, because I don't love you anymore, Nya. It's be nearly a year since you decided to not choose either of us. Now you decide to pop in here with this shit, thinking I'll just take you back."

"Well yeah. We were together longer than we've been apart and you just started dating Cole, surely I am more important."

Jay just stared. What in the hell? Was she a human being? Love didn't work like that, she shouldn't expect it to at all. She was allowed to let two years of their relationship be uprooted by a computer and throw it all away for feelings she never had before for someone she barely spoke too. What double standard crap was this? They were not in high school anymore.

"Look. I may have been with you longer, but honestly you were my first real relationship and I had no idea what I was doing. I cherish the time we had Nya, but, what I have with Cole is deeper than what I ever had with you. You know this as well as I do."

"Can't you just let it go Jay?! I was confused then." She still was honestly, this wasn't going as planned. Where was the weakling she left?

"Maybe I could if it hadn't been so long. But really, you're trying this now, when I'm happy with someone else."

"What does it matter? Being with him is a waste of time. You can't have children, you can't get married, all you have is each other and you'll never have more than that so why bother."

How dare she? How **_fucking_** dare she? Playing that card was low, lower than anything else she'd done to him, lower than anything she'd done to Cole. Nya really thought it would be that simple to manipulate him to get back together with her and leave Cole. It sickened him. No amount of never said apologies would make up for this, let's face it, she thought she was right. She still thought him to be completely without confidence since she wasn't in the picture. She still thought he relied on her. But he didn't, and he wasn't going to again, not after this. Jay's jaw was clenched when he spoke next.

"You left me hollow, broken Nya, and you never even acknowledged it. You aren't sorry for how you hurt me. Once upon a time you were my wings, but you fucking ripped them off. Whatever power you had over me, it's gone now. You never apologized for your mistakes Nya, not really, and you drove me away. I was fucking relieved when you didn't choose anyone because I knew, I fucking knew, it wouldn't be equal. You think I'm below you, and that is why I will **_never_** take you back."

To say Nya was stunned was an understatement, she had no idea what to say back to that. Jay was angry with her, and she didn't get why. She was here, she was willing, and she could give Jay a family if she was willing, what more could he want. No she had miscalculated, Nya thought it'd be easy, but she never considered how blind Jay could be to a doomed relationship. No, Jay wasn't blind, and she hadn't made a mistake, the factor that made her fail was Cole.

Nya had to get the black ninja away from Jay and then she could have him. Without him, Nya wasn't special. She didn't have powers, she couldn't do what the boys could, and it didn't matter if she was a samurai, Nya couldn't fit into the picture. I one thing she was able to have that would make her worthwhile was a boyfriend, and she would have one. Jay was falling faster than the inventor anticipated, and he was clutching that damn statue like it was some lost treasure.

"You should leave, Nya. I'm sorry."

And she did. Nya left Jay's room and went straight to her own, plotting all the way. No one denied her. No one ever denied her anything. Because when it got down to it, people really were just like machines.


	3. Author's Note

Hello My Fans,

I know you all have been have been waiting, watching and wondering if I have abandoned this fic.

I have not.

So let me tell you what's been going on these past two years:

In 2017, my ex physically abused me for the first and only time. Now, when I really sit down and think about it, he had been abusing me emotionally for quite some time before the actual tangible abuse occured. I stayed with him much longer than I should have. For four years to be exact. Two of those years we were together, and another two, the last two, we were roommates and friends with benefits. I stayed to try and save it. I thought I needed it to be relevant and normal.

Then, he hit me, pulled my hair and choked me. The police got involved. He mither threatened me to get me thrown in jail for returned the car that both he and I jointly own, and a restraining order was filed.

In those days, he claimed hit me because he took a whole bottle of Advil and couldn't think straight. I was over a friend's, and asked him to pick me up for work in the car we owned, the one I ended up giving back. He came, but by then he had already taken the Advil. He claimed he wanted to see me one last time before he died.

On my way to work, we ended up fighting over the radio. I just asked him to turn it down and he wouldn't. So I turned it down, it was my car too, and he turned it back up. This went on for a bit, until finally he punched me in the arm. We were still arguing so he stopped the car and told me to get out. I wasn't getting out of my own car, so he threw my purse out of the window and took my seatbelt off. He punched me in the face and pulled my hair and choked me. Then drove us home, away from my job, I was almost there.

We were staying in an extended stay hotel at the time, so I told management what happened. I had been paying for it so I asked then to cancel the room and leave. Then I called a friend. I took a taxi to their house and they paid my fair since I had no money. My purse was thrown out of the window.

He called apologizing saying he just wanted to see me. Saying he just wanted to die. And he said he cut too deep. I thought he slit his wrists. So I called 911. I told them what happened, told them I didn't want to press charges because I'm black. I was afraid they'd arrest me for provoking him even though I never hit him back. The police got him and the state pressed charges. He went to jail. His mother came at my neck afterwards and it was three long weeks.

At first he admitted to what happened, but then pleaded not guilty. Meanwhile, his mother was harassing me. Saying she'd put me jail. Saying I'd go to prison. She even threatened to come up to my job and strangle me. I showed the judge and he reprimanded her. He also reprimanded my ex, asking why he'd let his mother harass the person who dictated what happened to him?

In the end, I didn't want to ruin his life. Some call me soft hearted, some call me noble. All I wanted was for him to go to anger management, get so medicine and stay away from me. It's what I got finally. That man is out of my life.

In 2018, I was depressed and suicidal. I drank bleach and cleaner. I even tried drowning myself. I was self-destructive to a tee. And I couldn't focus. I couldn't create or write. I wanted to die.

Then I met my best friend and she helped me. I got into counseling and really looked at myself. I believed I was a monster. I believed I was to blame for a lot of things in my life. My father would call me useless, my mother would say I was unloveable. And my dad was verbally abusive as well. My dad had also hit me once. My counselor helped me realize your mindset is what you attract. Because I believed these things I attracted people who deepened the self-hatred. I was contributing by believing their thoughts about me. I was old enough to make my own path, but I decided to keep wallowing.

And it's hard so hard to think about yourself in a positive light. It's hard to look at yourself sometimes. It's hard to grow and change. But I couldn't take feeling horrible all the damn time. I couldn't take the pain anymore. And it was either get better or die.

I chose to get better.

There are some people who are going to read this a write it off. Some off you may even say I deserve it. Some of you will threaten him and wan to protect me. Others will think I want pity. And still others will be on my side.

I just want to write. I just want to be me. I just want to create. So keep that in mind when you comment. I only told you so you'd know what happened and that I didn't abandon you.

I will update as soon as I get my new laptop.

Tata For Now,

MistressHORRiD


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